Goodbye hell hole job. Hello Surgery......I have Missed you.

Well, it have not been a long journey but I have learned SO much, gained some street smarts, know more than I should about illegal drugs and living environments of our poor population.

What happened?......Well Walter had a procedure a couple of weeks ago. I was allowed to go back with him. Surgical suite........my eyes glowed, my heart quickened, and my nostrils took in the smell of sterility. I was home.

I left when he was done and anesthesia had worn off. I got home and the itch started. I went back to work the next day and it was a Monday. I worked but there was something different. I was freaked out about roaches that crawled over my feet in the field, I was unhappy driving, and kept thinking "Why? Why am I doing this?" I am very emotionally fulfilled by it, but something changed.

The following Sunday night I had insomnia, could not sleep for anything. So I made up a family emergency and called in on Monday. Threw out some texts and e-mails and had a job that day. Completed my drug test, TB, CPR etc the next day on the down low at work. I turned in my notice last Friday.  My resignation was accepted and today I was allowed to leave with a 2 week severance. WOW!!!! I start my new job Tuesday. I am happier than a pig in shit. My brain is wired for the Operating Room. Its like a old friend, you finish each others sentences, know what the person will do next....The OR has been that way for me. Comfort. I never would of left had I not injured my shoulder while working..... But it did allow me other opportunities that has made me well rounded more so as a nurse.

Now....what hat shall I wear? And shoes....my Red patent leather Dansko clogs or the Tiger eye Patent ones?.....

Bitch, Bitchy, Bitch like, being a bitch.......

I complain a lot, I am not always just in my complaints. I do however feel just today. I feel that I have been hit with this topic. A comment that cannot be taken back. The bell cannot be un-rung.

BITCH is the most degrading thing in MY opinion that a man can call a woman. Others may not agree, it is a cardinal rule broken when called to woman by a man regardless of his anger or why he said it. (I like the answer that If the woman had done...A, B, or C he wouldn't of had too)

Oh or that he doesn't understand what the big deal is. Its a big fucking deal when a man cannot understand the big deal.
A man should never call a woman a bitch in the presence of children. Just my opinion. You all know when I get passionate about things I get on my soap box. (Today its Tide with febreze).

I am a very independent woman and hold myself to many high standards that I also hold others to. It bothers me that men today have lost a piece of the chivalry they used to have. When did being a man to a woman go away....?

I hear of these things and maybe have been witness to them myself. Regardless of my way of stumbling on this topic, I will speak out of both sides of my mouth. I think women should be independent and hold their ground in society. However I think old fashioned in the way men and woman should be when in a relationship or marriage (yes that came from ME). Car door open, kiss on the cheek, hold the door open. Tell her she looks beautiful. Shelter her like the woman she is. But that is what I think. I think simple shows of affection have gotten lost along the way.

My heart smiles when I see a older couple holding hands. They still have what never left them.

Think about it, the next time you are with your gal or guy tell them they are handsome, or pretty. Grab their hand and give it a kiss "for no reason". Embrace what you have. It is special and if you take care of it, will stay that way. Oh and to the gals, wear more leave a little to the imagination. I like that about Walter, he is a man that thinks a dress is too short or inappropriate because its too revealing. (many men would have their tongues hanging out showing off that trophy!!)

Never call a woman a BITCH. Just don't. Its wrong, it will hurt.
Never call a man a ASSHOLE to his face. Its a two way street.

Dreams

I dream all the time. Mostly of stuff that has no meaning at all, and some are just plain disturbing. However dreams like last night I hate. I do not like dreaming of things that could be real and make you question if it happened etc.
 Mother's day 2004 my aunt (mother's sister) was 40 and had only been 40 for 2 months when she had a massive heart attack. She stayed in a vegetative state like the lady in Florida that was all over the news. Terri Shivo (Sp?) for almost a month, and passed. It was sick awful. Well at the same time my grandmother - her mom had been battling ovarian cancer since 2001. She did not have the 2 chemotherapy's scheduled over the time Sandy was either in the hospital or inpatient Hospice. Well she should not of done that in hindsight. She lost her battle 2 weeks to the day that Sandy died. Both on a Sunday. Both in June. Nobody not even Walter knows that June is a hard moth for me. Wait that is not true, a dear friend also thinks the month of June suck too. That friend has had similar loss.
I usually just breeze through June and try not to think of it. One year it came and went and I went shit! It's possible to not think about the memories of that year, that month. Those were the moments that lead up to my mother less then 2 years later putting a gun to her head, only to be found by a neighbor.
Well back to my dream, I was dreaming I had woken up and was at my grandmother's house. I got up went to the bathroom and saw bottles of booze, wine glass, and mouthwash. Oh and what appeared to be vomit near the toilet. Any of you with a alcoholic in the house or growing up have seen this at least once. I cleaned the mess, and went to get coffee. My aunt was already having coffee. She startled me. She began to tell me that my grandmother had been in the attic trying to find the pluming problem. (My grandmother did go into the attic, we were always mad that something would happen to her) Plumbing problem was a palm tree that had grown through the wall, and my grandmother had cut it down. We cracked up about that, and had coffee. They always had the best coffee. Pure Kona, my grandmother would get from a Butcher of all places. Just me and Sandy.
That was a dream. But it seemed so real. You know looking back today is the day she passed away 7 years ago. I miss her. I wonder does this mean in two weeks Nanny will visit me in a dream?
You know during that awful 2 weeks back then something magical happened. I conceived a son, who 9 months later was born on Sandy's birthday. If that does not make you believe in angels, or Divine intervention what will? 

Glass Eyes, Bed Bugs, Horses in traffic....all in a day!

Chaos Chaos Chaos has been my life the last month. I have had to work in the "real office" instead of my home office. That has added about 2 hours to my day. Crazy end of school year, here there everywhere. Yet the lack of excitement flame will never burn out! I am back.

I laughed so hard to myself yesterday as a friend said to me with a straight poker face "so - your work now is like the movie Precious?" Yes that is very spot on to an extent with the addition that my patient are usually dying.
I have a day a few weeks ago that I thought I had seen and heard it all. But its me right? Everyday is a new day.

So I go to a older woman's dorm room like dwelling to see her as she just got out of the hospital. Now most of my people have some sort of physiological component, so she was no different. (wrong) I am talking......and she says she has "Bed bugs" Ok - Sure you do, and I go on.......I start to see little roaches strutting across the stove and the counter, and I say "oh! I see you have some critters....are these the bugs you are talking about?" "No Honey-those are roaches. I got bed bugs" Dear 8lb baby Jesus she now thinks I am an idiot. So her son who reeks of alcohol shows me the underside of the bed. Holy SHIT she does have them. Thousands!!!!! My first purely selfish thought - I am gonna get them!!!!!NO. NO. NO. So I finish as quick as humanly possible itching the entire time. I leave.

I then go see a guy with a glass eye that I could not stop starring at. Still itching and convinced I now have a infestation of bedbugs on my person in my bag, and anywhere else the little fockers are hiding. I end that visit.....

Now I am on my way home determined not to bring them home I deliberate in the traffic. I think of all the horrid 20/20 specials, Internet scare tactics, news shows and on and on about these bastard bugs. I sit with Bruce's top down, thinking maybe the sun will just burn them. Well I indeed received a nice sun burn on the left side of my arm/face. I am in traffic..... and I am thinking about the day, how am I going to eradicate this woman's bug infestation, glass eye....damn they did a good job on that one. The smell of my sunburn coming on, I think I still have to document all this shit on my laptop, but I cannot bring my bag inside my house! I must stop somewhere on the way home. Starbucks! Yes great idea a coffee my laptop and the bugs can release themselves into the coffee house. Yes I know this is wrong....but what if I didn't know? I look up and I shit you not, in the middle of all the traffic coming against traffic in the CITY, was a young man - not police man hauling ass in a full gallop on a horse. I sit in my car cracking up out loud. I have seen it all. But I know I have not.

I go to Starbucks, disrobe in the car as much as possible and scour myself in the shower. No bedbugs came into my home. I did get the woman a new bed, had all her clothes cleaned. Her place was professionally de-bugged 3 times. I feel good about it and she does to. She can sleep at night. Never will I underestimate what someone tells me. Or automatically assume they are a wee bit bonkers.  You know if I ever loose a eye......I feel good that my fake glass eye will look as good as the man I saw that day. I still cannot get over how real it looked.

Who knows what my next adventure will bring, but it will be hard to top a full galloping horse in city traffic.......