The dreaded scale.

At one time the scale was my worst enemy. I was about 100 lbs heavier than I am now. I lost it about 4 years ago. My youngest is 6. When he was about a year, I had lost all my baby weight, but then gained about 100 lbs. I was addicted to (this is embarassing) cookie dough. Yes. I would eat about a family size log a week. Then to make it "cheaper" I decided to just get the BUCKET size from Sams. Pilsbury not Nestle. I do have my standards.

Well my husband (Walter) and I were drifting apart and I kept nagging.....Finally one day I forced it out of him, what was his issue with me? He says I was not "feminine". WHAT?! I wonderered WTH - he had been with me all this time. Yes I am a woman, but not a fu fu delicate flower beauty queen or kitten heels and ultra fem type.

So I go crying into my bedroom with the door closed calling my mother in law. I love her like my own mother, but a few minutes (maybe a hour) I could not put a name on what I thought she was after she said these words.....I don't think you are not feminine, I think what Walter is trying to say is you are OVERWEIGHT. OMG WTF Really???!!! She did not just utter the words I knew were true. So I go back into the living room tear stained mad as hell. Interigating my husband now. "So I just talked to your mom.....she thinks I need to loose weight!!!!" He had a oh sh!t look on his face. I ask..."Do I?" He avoids the question as if I was trying to force his mouth open and make him eat flying cockaroaches from Madagascar (hissing kind). Well after pushing and begging he answers......"Well, yes you could"

Oh my dear God in heaven!! So I push further...."How much? huh?" put a number on it. He did not respond right away, it took more hissing madagascar roaches. At least 50 POUNDS.
I am bawling at this point cookie dough in hand back in my bed.

Next week I am at the mall with a best girlfriend, I am telling the whole "Fat" story while we are in Victoria's Secret. I ask the size 00 sales chick for help finding the size I needed in a bra I wanted. Dreaded straight from hell words "We dont carry your size, you should try Lane Bryant".

I tell my best friend, (who is fat too but I denied it to her face) I AM FAT!!! Man sweat and stomping down the mall to the "Big Girl" store. Their effin bra did in fact fit.
The next Sunday I was at weight watchers. (I sat silent except for crying the entire meeting).

Took about 10 months but it came off. I have learned to tell the truth, don't ask questions you are not prepared to hear the answer. (really)

I love my mother in law, and husband. I feel good about myself. I have now for a few years. I still have cookie dough occasionally. But I am at a healthy BMI. (have not been since I was in nursing school - 1994)

I laugh at this story now. I am very thankful for the truth. Yes it hurts sometimes, but that means we are real.

I will not to this day buy a bra from Victoria's Secret.