Tales from "Behind the Red line" (Surgery)

Oh my where to start.......the operating room has been a passion for me since I was in high school. I love the smell of a fresh OR suite in the morning mixed with coffee. After a while you can distinguish smells.....to organ type. Yes it's true, and some faint. We true surgical peeps laugh at them. (sorry). I was pondering some things that have happened to me over the years. I will share, some of you will be grossed out, but you will read....

First thing about surgery.....we have seen all bodies naked in all forms, we don't care what you look like asleep. Well not completely. Groom your feet, bathe, and disclose things that might be a surprise once you are asleep, like the woman with a penis. (Happened, I panicked)

If you have a foreign body in your ass, like a Full Size Yankee Jar Candle (YES) don't try and BS your way into "I fell on it" We don't care, but will talk about it.

Please poo prior to surgery, I cannot do poo. I have vomited many a time in my mask cleaning you.

When you have a abscess or something brewing on your body go to the Dr, not the ER at 11pm Friday night. There will be a sadist general surgeon who will call out the call team to cut it open. We will say bad things about you, but really ment for the MD.

I once answered a very attractive Dr's flip phone (back when a flip phone was new) on his pants under his gown, dear God was that embarrassing.

I had to prep (clean) a young 20 somethings ding dong (penis) to do a circumcision. Not bad right? Wrong. The young man was awake, and not numbed, and very overweight, and I am in a full on man sweat digging to find it, yes really. How do you say aloud "I cant find it" while the guy is laying there awake. I swear the urologist just sat there waiting on me like some sort of evil mantis of a person finding comic relief in my pure internal torture.

More F-Bombs are dropped in the OR, and the music choices of  some Surgeons.....but you are asleep. Thank God.

I spoke once very babdly about a whining surgeon with my supervisor and fellow coworker cracking up, unknowing the squawk box was on to the area the Dr was sitting. (Shame)

We tied a anesthesiologist to his chair while asleep during a surgery and then tried to contain ourselves as he fell over with his chair when he awoke. He would yell at the top of his lungs when he saw me in the hallways..."I managed to stay the F....k awake today". Oh dear Bahahahahahaha

I ran a code blue on a patient on call over a weekend just me and anesthesia, hard work....revived the lady, and I swear on my life the radio was playing "I will survive". Yes that Sh!t happened.

Oh the stories........so many. Thousands.

Favorite quote from a fellow Red Headed surgical RN "You know you are an OR nurse when you are shoving a sponge stick in a stranger's vagina doing a prep....while telling your scrub nurse your favorite chili recipe" Thanks to my sister from another mother!!

Until Later.....ALi-Gator