My in office Ear Surgery.......Yeah

Last Tuesday I awoke to a throbbing earache, a pain that would not allow me to sit still. I go to the Dr....antibiotics and a diagnosis of ear infection. Hmm could of told ya that. Days of pain, dizziness and loss of hearing made my life pretty much hell this last 10 days.

So Monday I go back.....I get a nice injection of antibiotics in my ass that lit me on fire. Holy Crow some shots will bring a tear to your eye. I should be better within 24 hours. Yes I will be able to hear, and my pain will go away. Hmmmmm, wait we are talking about me right? Fail. I am not better. Shit now off to the ENT.

So I go to a fantastic guy, wait, wait, see the audiologist who preforms a barrage of tests that in my opinion are sheer torture to a person with a ear infection and pain. But it does prove my testimony that I cannot fucking hear in my left ear. Nice, now its roaring pounding off to go sit in the waiting room again.

Dr, comes in tells me about the hearing loss I told them about, looks and sees the fluid and bubbles behind my eardrum.....yes.....and yes......so now the options. There are not many options. Waiting another week - like this will not be an option for me. Surgery - nice, I don't want to wait. So I am left with a decision.....do it in the office? What you may be thinking? A Myringotomy - a surgical incision into the eardrum. I say hell yes bring it!

So I sign my consent, look at the instruments.....start to feel like maybe I am making a huge mistake. I am by myself, what if this hurts so bad I cannot stay on the table and he slices into my inner ear and becomes a surgical emergency!? What if my ear starts bleeding and he has to stop it, I know I wont be able to handle that. What do I do........Go for it, this Red Head is tough. However last Tuesday Walter would have debated that to the death, as I layed on my bed crying, body shaking from ear pain, just needing to hold his hand while I waited for the medications to kick in. That was a bad way, labour pain was nothing in comparison to this, nor tearing traumatically my rotator cuff in my shoulder.

I digress. So I lay down on the table, and await the Dr. Oh God my hands are sweating bad, like wetting the tissue sheet on the table. Really what does that tissue prevent? He asks me to lay on my back and turn my head and inserts a ear speculum, this is not at all comfortable. Oh no, I have made a mistake the bare minimum is uncomfortable. I ask, can I move my legs really quick? Yes...I bend my knees and hold my hands in a white knuckle clasp across my stomach. OK the worst is death. That will not happen. Calm down.

So he says "hold still" I am going to put some Phenol on your eardrum to numb it. Deep breath, its OK I can do it. HOLY SHIT!!!!! I yell while laying completely still. The door was open, and I know without a shadow of doubt the office heard me. So I then say, that's it right? No I have to numb a bit more. FUCK!!!! comes out that time without any control, involuntary loud profanity. I apologized, but said it hurt. I am now sweating my ass off, and really thinking I have made a horrible mistake but to far in to stop. I am thinking POW interrogation, at this point I would have given it all up....I tell him I need a few seconds to breathe so I do not pass out on him. He says, don't work yourself up. No - I am not working myself up, but I do know how I feel prior to fainting. Before anything further I hear a scratch scratch kinda noise.....he just went ahead with that scalpel. So I am dead man still, I know the blade is in my ear. Not a sound utters from my body, I am not sure my heart was even beating. Then he says I am going to suction you now. Nice --Suction in your ear at your eardrum, is worse that a million freaking fingernails scraping a chalkboard. Done. WHAT?! That was it? The entire time from him starting with the speculum to done was really maybe 3 minutes or less. Eternity it felt like. Now home, I have more hearing, a little pain, but I do not feel disconnected. I know it was a complete success. If I hold my nose and pressurize my ears, warm air comes out my bad ear.....freaky!